Read all about it.

A Royal Marine Commando is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The bootneck jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the rider, says "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."

"Why, it was nothing" said the Royal. "Really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."

"I noticed a patch on your jacket" said the journalist.

“Yeah, I ride with the Royal Marine motorcycle display team" the biker replies.

"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this on the first page." The journalist leaves.

The biker gets the newspaper the next day and checks to see if it has news of his actions, and reads, on first page:

"BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH"

Gaelic Football on the rise.

The new Limerick manager sent scouts out around the world looking for a
new centre forward to replace his old and decrepid players hoping to win
the Sam Maguire. One of the scouts informs him of a Young Iraqi GAA
player who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar.

The Gaffer flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and
arranges for him to come over.

Two weeks later Limerick are 4-10 to 1-10 down to Kerry with only 20
minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi lad the nod and on he
goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 4 goals in 20 minutes and wins the
game for Limerick .
The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the
media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones
his mum to tell her about his first game in the Championship.
Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were
3 goals down but I scored 4 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans,the
media, they all love me.'
Wonderful, says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got
shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your
brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time
.'

The young lad is very upset, 'What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry.'
'Sorry?!' says his mum, 'You're f**king sorry???? It's your fault we
moved to Limerick in the first place!'

Blog of the week

NHS have just released the following warning:

There is a dangerous virus being passed around. This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else, via any means, DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your coat on and take two good friends to the nearest supermarket or local bar. Purchase one of the antidotes known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to your friends and colleagues,.....if you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected.

Paintshop amateur

A Frenchman cleverly robbed the Louvre of some rare art works-but his getaway vehicle ran out of petrol in the next street. The French polis were anxious to find out why his Masterplan went so obviously wrong.” Messieurs ….said the thief, “Eet is simple - I did not have the Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh”.

The Irish Health Service

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
"Murphy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".

"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: " So, Murphy, how was your day?"

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol."

"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman borsts in so she does. Like bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"

"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the Doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes."

How to pick the bitches name?

Irish Coffee

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the Doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really! What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin’ here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'