
This camera has been rumoured to have been found by the Iraqi New Army of Peace and Humilliation in a studio run by Mad Mulla Omar Kilem. It is just one of thousands waiting to be exposed once the infidels leave, or so rumour goes.
Battle, skirmish or all out War, those empty bottles have a score To settle with those enemies of you and me and our democracy. Because empty bottles are fighting men, who protect us all, again and again And depart the field not to a hero’s chant, and feast NOT in fancy restaurants. Awaiting him is no adulation, the best wishes of a grateful Nation Just a Badge he can wear in a Tesco’s queue. Just a Veterans Badge for a debt so huge.
|
|
A woman was shopping at a supermarket near Lympstone where she selected:
a half-gallon of skimmed milk,
a carton of 6 eggs,
a large carton of gout giving orange juice,
a head of lettuce,
a 1 kg pack of coffee and
a 10 rasher package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunken bootneck recently thrown out of his house by the labour government, standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunken Royal calmly stated, “You must be single.”
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunken sage replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”
John Smeaton "HERO"
Twas doon by the inch o' Abbots
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say
A fanatic muslim bastard Wiz doin what he'd planned
And intae Glesca's departure hall
A Cherokee he'd rammed.
A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist
He thocht "a wumman driver"
Or at least someone half-pissed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin Arab loony
Frae Al Qaeda's band
The mad Islamist nut-case
Had set hissel' on fire
And swung oot at the polis
GBH his clear desire
Now that's no richt wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.
Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
For imported English radicals
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bluidy truck
So tak yer worldwide jihad
An get yersel tae F***
It is a piece of grey composite worn on lapels full of tat
By those who support we empty bottles? Some from afar or four star hotels,
Politicians, voyeurs and entrepreneurs. Those out to make a quick buck,
Oil magnates, arms merchants and sleazy dealers all on the same truck.
Yet Fusiliers, Riflemen, Paras, Marines, Gunners, Engineers real fighting machines
Who return from the mountains for a pint with their pals to this desert of disillusion,
Will not harvest a rich reward for theirs is the payment of non-inclusion.
At twelve o’clock sharp Tony Blair will say “It is with deep regret that I have to announce…”today
Sometimes he is mortal, each Parliamentary Wednesday, for he omits this from his oft practiced verse
Empty bottles will get a badge to wear in Tesco’s queues. A Veterans Badge for a debt so huge.
It is a piece of grey composite worn on lapels full of tat
By those who support we empty bottles? Some from afar or four star hotels,
Politicians, voyeurs and entrepreneurs. Those out to make a quick buck,
Oil magnates, arms merchants and sleazy dealers all on the same truck.
Yet Fusiliers, Riflemen, Paras, Marines, Gunners, Engineers real fighting machines
Who return from the mountains for a pint with their pals to this desert of disillusion,
Will not harvest a rich reward for theirs is the payment of non-inclusion.
At twelve o’clock sharp Tony Blair will say “It is with deep regret that I have to announce…”today
Sometimes he is mortal, each Parliamentary Wednesday, for he omits from his oft practiced verse
Empty bottles will get a badge to wear in Tesco’s queues. A Veterans Badge for a debt so huge.