Saturday, 26 December 2009
Johnny in the last class before Christmas
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself: "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says: "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny say a word, Mary says: "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny gets his mouth open, Nancy says: "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
By now, Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back, Johnny says: "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher spins around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS!!! Can I go now?"
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
The Real Christmas Fairy
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside the Heathrow immigration offices.
'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in England with your wife and three children.'
The man told the fairy: 'Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'
The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PING !!! He had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two, more wishes, to go’.
The refugee claimant now got bolder.
'I need a big house with a three car garage in Oxford with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here.
PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, overlooking the river.
'One, more wish, left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand.
I want to be like the English with English clothes instead of manjams, and a baseball cap instead of this turban.
And I want to have white skin like the English.'
PING! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, an old T-shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed.. 'Where is my new house?'
The fairy said 'Tough luck. Now that you are English, you're entitled to f*** all!!!!' And she disappeared!
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
Widdle wabbits
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
KINKY SEX
About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?" Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy [let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her] eventually admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen".