Little Johnny, why we love him.

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.
The teacher said, 'that was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'my family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.’
The teacher said, 'well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.

Situation Vacant

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He says "Yes - just caffeine."
"'Have you ever been in the service?"
"Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment," and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes 100% …an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.

Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 AM - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day."
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?"
"'This is a government job, Procurement Officer at the MoD,” the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."