Author at New Mr President's rally.

Can you spot the author at the Obama rally? I'll give you a clue, I have been wrung out to dry. Another clue, I am not smiling.

Special birthday reminder

This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 34. Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.

They grow up so fast, ... don't they?

The Priest's Baby!

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor. "It's worth a try," he says.

So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.

After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."

"What?" says the priest. "What happened?" "You gave birth to a child."

"But that's impossible!"

"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."

The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"

The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."

Why Parents Drink

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to Mom'. With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mum,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her

piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...

Mom she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son,

Paul

P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Dustins' house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my centre desk drawer.

I love you - call me when it's safe to come home

TA on patrol

clipped from www.modoracle.com A unit of British reservists are undertaking regular foot patrols in the streets around the International Security Assistance Force's headquarters in Kabul, establishing a presence in the area and building rapport with the locals.

The MoD would love for you to believe that this photo is in Kabul, but Notareargunner has witnessed it being staged in the Boulevard, Blackburn. The fella in the blue shroud is a three badge stoker on the run from the Cornwall.

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring
back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still
nothing.

She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands,
then an Armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the lid off.

The Beautiful Game

What footwork!

Going to the White House

FAMILY MEMBERS ARE ALREADY HEADED TO THE WHITE HOUSE FOR A VISIT.

Burnley driving license

The best looking lass in Burnley?