Happy Bloody New Year

Proud to be White?

Michael Richards better known as Kramer from TV's Seinfeld , makes a
good point. This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments
in his comedy act

Proud To Be White. Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this?
There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc. And then there are just Americans.
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You Call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" ... and that's OK.
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink ... You call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. You have the NAACP. You have BET. If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists. If we had White History Month , we'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives, we'd be racists.

I received this in an email and was asked to forward it. I do more than that, it is hereby published for all to read.
If I were a British Bobby I could not join the Black Police Federation. As I am not homosexual, black, an illegal immigrant, I feel neglected in my own country where my service has been rewarded by the theft of a massive part of my pension AND no-one seems to care. Thank You Labour and all your supporters.

John Howard – a man’s politician?

Nun in a taxi

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't
want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When
you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I
have, you get a chance to see and hear just about
everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss
me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about
that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be
Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm
single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver
starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must
confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK......

My name is Kevin and I'm a stoker off HMS Cornwall and I’m going to a ship’s reunion party."

Tapping into Canadian culture

An Alberta woodpecker and a Saskatchewan woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Alberta woodpecker said Alberta had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Saskatchewan woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Saskatchewan woodpecker then challenged the Alberta woodpecker to peck a tree in Saskatchewan that was absolutely un-peckable (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Alberta woodpecker expressed confidence said he could do it and accepted the challenge. So the two flew to Saskatchewan where the Alberta woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called un-peckable tree with no problem. Both woodpeckers were terribly confused how each were able to peck the tree in each other's province but not their own. After much woodpecker-pondering they both came to the same conclusion, apparently your pecker gets harder when you're away from home!

Merry Christmas South Africa.

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Jacob Zuma's?" asked the man.

"Zuma's clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe.."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

Well then, don't have a bloody merry Vmas!